I truly believe that there is something more happening in the discourse around our President elect that has not happened in my memory. Perhaps it is partly the so called “momification” of Michelle Obama or the fact that Sasha and Malia are young girls, but even GW Bush, when speaking about the election mentioned how great a sight it would be for that FAMILY to walk into the white house. It seems to me that part of the reason Obama was able to connect so strongly to people across the country is that he comes across as so human. He does appear to be, before Senator or President-Elect, a father and a husband. With a VP who vocally talks about his many years as a single father, I really think that this administration is gently pushing on our consciousness of gender roles.

I am not implying that Michelle has not had to make sacrifices in her own career in order for her husband to get to the country’s highest post. I’m speaking more here on the visual that we see. In the same way that I truly believe films and television featuring black presidents shifted our consciousness as a nation toward being more ready to make this change, I think that the visual of Obama dropping off his daughters at school, lovingly doting on them in public, attending their sports games, and being so openly affectionate and awed by his wife’s capability, intelligence and grace shifts our consciousness toward one that supports a more partner based idea of relationships and family.

This Slideshow on the HuffPost illustrates

Whether or not you agree with my opinion on that, I hope you will be encouraged by what I observe in my friends’ parenting arrangements. Many of the couples that I am friends with are rethinking how we plan our families, what we prioritize and how. Two of my close friends just had their first child in May. My male friend is the primary childcare provider and my female friend works full time as an organizer. There are days that their son goes to work with her and he is able to work on his music which brings in part of their income, or local campaigns that they are involved in. They have created a flexibility that works for them and they are partners. Not only is he the primary childcare provider, he is also does most of the cleaning and cooking. I don’t see this as being isolated. Many of my male friends have alluded to the fact that they plan to spend at least part of their work time at home so that they can share parenting responsibilities (and rights and happy time) with their partners.

It has been very troubling in my work to see so many women convinced that men will never put families before their careers. I can’t imagine being with my partner if we weren’t just that- partners. I can’t imagine being with someone who I didn’t know planned to be just as much a part of our children’s lives as I am, and just as supportive of my career choices as he is of his own. And I have no idea what our house would look like if he did not do more of the cooking and cleaning. My father had full time custody of myself and my younger brother from the time we were 10 and 13. Before that he was very involved and both of my parents worked. My father was a great exception to his contemporaries, but I think that my friend is less of an exception in our generation, and just as I see hope that we are becoming less divided by race in this country, I see hope that we are developing more conscious, responsible men, willing to dig in and be real partners.